I recently finished reading, and thoroughly enjoyed, Hanna Rosin’s book “The End of Men”. I chose to read this book after watching her RSA talk, and while reading the book, CBC Radio’s Ideas, broadcast the Munk Debates that were on the same subject.

As a man I’m neither threatened nor intimidated by the concept that the dominance of men in our society is in decline, or that women are rising in power, either independently, or even at the expense of most men. I see gender as a dynamic and often limiting concept, that is best experienced in the most flexible and self-defined terms.

I also agree with Hanna’s argument that women are rising, and that men are in decline. Many if not most of the men I’ve known in my life have struggled to find a meaningful and contributing role for themselves in this society. School was almost impossible to complete, and meaningful work is rarely found and never secure.

I constantly struggle to understand what it means to be a man in our world, and while I have great role models in my family, I find the landscape of pop culture littered with men I cannot identify with, and find myself wanting to be the opposite of. There are few who I’ve been able to look to as role models, and almost all of them are people I’ve known personally, and thus not part of pop culture per se.

Instead I’ve consistently found myself looking to women as role models. As the leaders I want to follow and take cues from. Professionally I’ve sought out strong female leaders to support and collaborate with.

In particular Hanna Rosin cites Julie Gerberding on the concept of meta-leadership or horizontal leadership. This involves knowing how to negotiate, collaborate, employ emotional intelligence and empathy. These traits are not exclusive to women, but they’re often not what men focus on when defining their own leadership styles.

Similarly another concept worth exploring is the theory of erotic capital, as developed by Catherine Hakim. Erotic capital is a “fourth personal asset” that compares to economic, cultural, and social capital. Hanna Rosin refers to erotic capital as charm and charisma rather than beauty or sexiness.

As Catherine Hakim argues, erotic capital is not only important when it comes to mating and marriage, but also labour markets, the media, politics, advertising, sports, the arts, and everyday social interaction. She also notes that women often have more erotic capital simply because they spend more time cultivating and using it. This is in spite of attempts by male dominated societies to impose moral ideologies and restrictions on the ability of women to employ and exploit their erotic capital for economic and social benefits.

There are many men who express resentment at the way women are now able and free to properly wield and explore their erotic capital. Instead as men we can learn how to better develop and understand our own erotic capital. The same way we can develop and understand feminine models of leadership and governance.

Rosin similarly describes the financial benefit many companies have found by discarding public corporate identities and brands which were exclusively male, with ones that were more inclusive:

“Companies no longer wanted to present themselves as faceless arbiters of authority; in an increasingly democratic, multicultural age they wanted to be seen as approachable and consumer responsive… Now in the era of self-expression and social media, stone-faced patriarchy is the kiss of death.”

Thus one of the primary messages men can take from this book is to be able to adapt, and be malleable. We live in a dynamic world where the rapid rate of technological change means that lifelong learning and multiple careers are how things will be for most if not all.

Women are succeeding because they are able to adapt, manage multiple roles, often multiple jobs, and the expectations that come with juggling life, work, family, and friends.

The good news for men is that with enough humility, there are an ample supply of nearby potential teachers and role models to learn from.